Wednesday, November 9, 2011

It gets harder every day...




Let me start out by saying I am the worst at hiding my tears.  I am literally sitting at my desk nose all red and runny and my eyes welling up.  I can hear everyone whispering to find out what is wrong with me.  The more they stand around and stare at me and ask me if everything is okay the worse it gets... go. away.  The lady in the office walked by and asked me if my nose was bothering me again because the last two weeks I was sick... I said I started sneezing again and couldn't stop. LIE.  I'm literally falling apart as I write this.  My mind has been on this wedding for months now and I have literally been so stressed out to the point where I have made myself sick...kidney stone, two week cold, migraines.....
This is not what my wedding is suppose to be about.  It's suppose to about me. and. Derrick. Not everyone's drama unfolding around us... just me and him. I can't get any input from him because he is so far away and the last thing we're worried about is this wedding when we're together. It's hard to get anything done when I need his input on things.  Just getting our rings is a big ordeal.. I haven't had my engagement ring in two weeks because it's been at the jewelers.  I don't have time to pick it up, discuss it, or make decisions.  Derrick isn't here, and it's his call. 

I'm just having a hard time without him here. We walked the dogs, fed them, gave them treats, and then made a decision of where to eat and what we were going to do.  I asked him to take the clothes out of the washer and put them in the dryer. He volunteered to help me hang and fold clothes.  Then I watched him unravel... he doesn't want to leave, he misses our routines, he misses our little animal family... he misses... me.

Our wedding is suppose to be the day where we start our lives together... keyword: together.  I daydream every day about how it will be one day... together.  I don't know if I can do this much longer... my heart breaks a little every day.

On a more positive note... Derrick got a call back for a second interview for the job in Tuscaloosa.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Buddy... the old doggg..



i'm getting nervous... we were supposed to have it all figured out by now.  We have less than four months until the wedding.  Derrick has an interview next weekend with another company closer to home.  I quit looking for a job down there because apparently Derrick is trying to find a job closer to home.  Well, we dont have to be in Decatur... I wouldn't mind living an hour or two away from here....4 hours is just toooo far.  Not a fun weekend trip by any means. 

I have only been down there to visit him twice out of the whole 4 months he's been gone.  It's harder when I have an animal that can't travel with me because he's old as dirt and won't make it up the steps of Derrick's apartment.. and it's just torture to leave him in the car for the 4 hour car ride each way.  So trying to find a dogsitter is horrible. I dont trust anyone to take care of Buddy like he needs to be taken care of... he's old and set in his ways... and plus he's pretty much my Dad's dog.

Derrick works a ton of weekends so it's hard for him to come home and it makes me super super super sad.  It's hard to spend quality time with him too.  When he comes home we have to visit everyone and it takes time away from the two of us.  I would love to be just stuck up his butt... but so does everyone else. GRRRRR...

Wedding planning is going amazing... sort of.  Too much to do, not enough time or money to do it.  I'm in the process of making a million wedding decorations because I insisit on the DIY.. thanks to Pinterest.com. 

Wish mom and dad lived closer so more of this could be done...

still need to pick out flowers, food, and photographer... then I'm done.. D.O.N.E... so i think anyways...

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

God is good, even when it doesn't feel good.



I got my rejection letter from Auburn last week. I didn't get my dream job that I wanted/needed. I want to know why God won't give me the job I need to be with the one I love. Was it because there's a better job in store for me?

My patience was tested by an ignorant person who judged me and the church I want to go to because it wasn't good enough. I want to know why God even put this person in my life because I haven't felt like dropping kicking the crap out of someone in quite some time. Is it because He wanted me to accept this person for the way they were and pray for them? Did He want me to have a closer relationship with Him?

I haven't made any progress on this wedding of mine. I want to know why I can't make a decision.  Is it because at a time like this I feel guilty for spending mine or anyone else's money? Is it because He wants me to make the best financial decisions possible?

It will be 3 weeks before I will get to see Derrick again. I want to know why God wants Derrick and me to feel the distance again.  Wasn't once enough? Wasn't 4 years enough? Maybe He wants us to never take for granted the time we spend together.  Maybe he wants us to try harder in life and reach more goals...

Proverbs 3:5-8 means don't even think you're smart enough to even know what's going on.  I could just think it to death... and I can never figure anything out. We get way more out of what we don’t understand than we think we do. We think "If I'm doing what's right then I should get what is the right result"... Life happens, God is in control and he does have a plan for my life and I will make a decision that I will not give up on God and I will not defile myself by breaking my commitment with God.

There are people who decide to be thankful and those who aren't content with their lives. We need to make decisions to not give up when things aren't going our way in life. You can't let your circumstances dictate to you what God is saying to you. The devil will use circumstances to keep you from the will of God. Stop looking at your circumstances, stop listening to your mind, stop listening to your feelings, and stop listening to negative people-- and get quiet and look in your heart and remind yourself what God is saying to you. You have to be determined that you WILL NOT give up and that you WILL make a decision that no matter what happens in your life and no matter how long it takes, you WILL cross the finish line. God doesn't always do what we want Him to do when we want it, but He has a greater plan than what we realize. God is good and if I continue to pray and trust God, He will even take things that hurt and work them out for Good in our life.

When people ask... "WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO????" Why don't I just tell people I don’t understand what I'm going to do but GOD does, and I'm going to keep worshiping Him, acknowledging Him, and He will direct my path. 

Trust is better for your nerves than reason. Trust God and pray... do you have any idea how much peace we would have if we were comfortable in not knowing?

Friday, July 22, 2011

furniture-based leisure prioritiser



I. Am. So. Sore.

I have been to the gym everyday this week, what whatttt. I haven't been this sore since cheerleading camp in HIGH SCHOOL...5 years ago this month!  Working out isn't bad if you have someone to do it with.  I would've probably given up already if it wasn't for Tiffany (my awesome trainer friend).  I might even break down and buy some supplements to help me get motivated. ;]

 I'm trying really hard on my diet too--Louie got a Fried Green Tomato BLT yesterday and I sat there and drooled watching him eat it while I ate my grilled chicken salad.  I have got to learn to quit getting so much pleasure from food... it's just food. 

Derrick had a good first week of actually being on the job and working.  He has to finish doing what he does to each car every 57 seconds.  He's probably going to lose some killer weight because he's too tired to eat and sweats his cute little butt off running around.  Therefore, he will not leave me behind in this fatsuit I'm wearing! 

I have a job interview on the 1st with another college close to where Derrick is.  I really really really want the job at Auburn more than you could ever imagine and I will know if I got the job or not probably by this next interview I have... next week.  Everyone say a prayer or few for me.  I want to be with my love and have an amazing career, not just a job.  Dreams can come true when you trust in the Lord.

One thing I have to realize is that negative thinking closes my mind off to what God wants to do in my life. If I go around thinking “Well, I don’t think I’ll ever get this job because there are other's that are better qualified;” or “I don't think I'll get the job because they are so many other people needing a job", I'm not trusting in God to do what he does best. But Jesus said, “According to your faith, it will be done unto you.” He might as well have said, “If you’ve got a cup, I’ll fill you with a cup level of blessing. If you’ve got a bucket, I’ll fill you with a bucket level of blessing.” Jesus is saying today, “Why don’t I take the limits off? Why don’t I believe for supernatural opportunities? Why don’t I go out each day expecting increase and promotion?” Expect favor, expect peace, expect joy. If I go out each day expecting far-and-beyond favor, if I trust in Him, I won’t be disappointed. He’ll fill your cup until it overflows and lead you into the abundant life He has in store for you!

So Yes I CAN and WILL get a great job, Yes I CAN and WILL lose some lbs..

Monday, July 18, 2011

Mission: Get Skinny!!



My fat jeans are tight.  This. Is. Bad.

Let me start off by saying I know how to lose weight because I've done it before. I'm just lazy as hell.  Today, I will embark on an adventure I haven't been very familiar with-sweating---induced by brisk movement.  I was going to start this morning but because of my laziness I couldn't get up...so...I will start after work. I'm going to the gym and getting on the eliptical for 30-45 minutes and then going home to frolic around in front of the tv by doing some workout videos.  I reallllly reallllly want to learn how to do weights at the gym but my last encounter there was AWFUL.  I have no problem admitting that I don't know what I'm doing and could possibly be hurting myself or wasting my time... but it's the thought that counts, right?  The only instruction I get is from the directions on the side of the machine, in which I create my own version after looking at it.  I'm too embarrassed or ashamed to ask for help.  It would be alot easier if I had a friend there with me who kind of knew what they were doing.  I need a personal trainer but don't have the means to pay for one so I will just continue going to the gym for cardio--which I completely freakin hate.

I started my diet today, sort of.  I need to go to the grocery store and start precooking my meals.  I have this amazing stainless steel grill that still has the plastic on it.  It's gas, and I live alone- so I really don't want to blow myself up.  I hate dieting. Hate. Hate. Hate dieting.  I am the most miserable human being when I can't eat what I want to eat or when I want to eat it. So, I cheat alot and it keeps me from having the progess that I want. With Derrick being gone, I know for a fact it will be easier... he is a bad influence when it comes to eating junk.

So here's to no more junk food, fast food, and the grease that keeps me going...but to the grilled chicken, turkey, fish, fruits, veggies, and protein shakes!!... ugh, I would drink horse piss if it made me skinny.

I should've started this a whole lot sooner, but like I said, I'm lazy... and hungry.

Friday, July 15, 2011

SAVE THE DATE!!!



Well... it's official....WE'RE GETTING MARRIED!!!


Picking our date was eassssssy this time around...


We met at a mutual friend's birthday party (Heather Ennis Edney) in Auburn, Alabama on February 18, 2006.. well our wedding date is February 18, 2012... how romantic ;)


We're getting married at The Brick Church in Mooresville... my colors are red & PINK-duhhh ;)


And the rest I have no clue about.. except I have my dress, my groom, and my ring bearer-Bama Bear.
Planning is already stressing me out.  I wanted a nice small wedding... ehhh... looking like not so much.  I'm super duper excited... any ideas feel free to give me as many as possible--to keep it inexpensive. keyword.


Well, Derrick got a really nice apartment in Valley, AL right near the plant so it's a hop and a skip to work and it's pretty much in the middle of wherever I could possibly be getting a job.  This weekend we're moving in his stuff.. I say HIS because he's got duck junk...it will be HIS apartment until I get there and make it feminine as possible.  Come to my house in Decatur and you know I live there.  He's taking Bama with him because he found out he's working nights (like 10-6 or something).  He also found out his position which he thinks he will like. So YAY for Derrick!


I'm still on the prowl in my job hunt... something will come up soon. I just know it.  God’s plan is for you to prosper and be successful in every area of your life. Some people might say, “I don’t see how you can say that with the economy like it is. All the experts are saying it’s going to get worse before it gets better.” That may be true in general, but it doesn’t have to be true for believers in Jesus. We are connected to a supply line that will never run dry.

He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers”(Psalm 1:3, NIV)

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

getting excited about my future...


Adventurous week...

I threw a "Surprise" Going Away party for Derrick, Friday night, which was very successful being that I threw it together in a week's time.  I put "Surprise" in quotation marks because the only surprise that we got is Derrick telling me he already knew about the party due to a few slip ups from his friends asking him what time the party was.  Derrick enjoyed himself and was really happy that he had all these people supporting him on his new journey in life.
Reality did not set in for me until Sunday night when I was all alone at the house.  It was so quiet, I didn't have anyone to discuss dinner options with or what was the best thing to watch on tv.  It was different. With Derrick being gone, It made me realize that I'm not as brave as I once was.  I lived by myself for 2 years in college and was only scared of being alone the first week or so at my apartment (and that time someone followed be to my house-another story) and the bumps in the night didn't scare me so much because I knew my neighbors and could call on them for anything if I needed too.  As of now, I don't really know my neighbors but I know they are watching me and everything that happens at my house.  Just last week the next door neighbor said something to my dad about a Ford Lariet coming to the house to walk Buddy without a leash and letting him pee on everyone's bushes.... yea they are watching.  I didn't even know my brother was coming to my house everyday while I was at work to play with the dog until my brother let it slip a few days before the neighbor said something. 
Monday night I drove down to Auburn by myself... also a scarier moment for me. I haven't driven on the interstate by myself since I graduated from Auburn a year ago. I had an interview with Auburn University at noon on Tuesday and prepared the best I could.  I thought I did a great job for it being the hardest interview of my life...it was over an hour and a half.  They asked me questions about "my philosophy" on things that I never thought about before that very moment I was asked. I got a tour of the office and asked as many questions as I could about the organization.  I think it would be a great fit for me...hopefully they think the same.  I won't know until the end of this month.  This being said, I'm excited for my future and what it has to offer.  Derrick and I are truly happy with the way things are going.  Life is looking up for us...our best days are not behind us; our best day are out in front of us.
One thing I know is that God is a God of increase. He has greater things in store for our future than we have experienced in our past. His dream for our future is so much bigger than our own. He wants to take us places that we’ve never dreamed and open up doors that we’ve never imagined. He wants to bring talent out of us that we didn’t even know we had. He wants to increase us and cause us to be a greater blessing to the people around us.
Today, I will get my hopes up and get excited about my future! and begin to thank Him for what He has in store. Keep standing, keep believing and keep moving forward because God has explosive blessings in store for me!

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Running to Jesus





If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere.

I should be able to handle huge life changes by now... but nope, my life has never ceased to amaze me.  Derrick is moving to Georgia this weekend (he got the job at KIA!). I'm sitting here at work in Decatur wondering what God has planned for ME. I want an amazing job near my future husband.  I want to plan my wedding... I want...I want... I want.  I should stop shouldn't I? 

My life situations always change but my goals have managed to stay the same.  The "I want's" should sound something more like this.  I want to marry Derrick.  I want us to have amazing careers. I want one child.  *The most important goal I often neglect is maintaining my relationship with God.  I need Him in my life. I need him to help me sort through these life altering opportunities.  I must run to Jesus and look for his guidance...

When adversity attacks, the first thing I should do is run to Jesus. Don’t flake out, shut down, break rank or isolate myself from those who can help me. Run to Jesus. Remember that Jesus is the Author and Finisher of my faith. He said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5). Jesus will not let me down. I can trust Him to get me through this turbulence. After I run to Jesus, I will check my heart. Go down my personal checklist and examine myself.  In times of difficulty we can’t afford to isolate ourselves. We can’t afford to run from the battle. When adversity strikes we need to run to the battle. scripture declares, “God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of love, power, and a sound mind” (1 Timothy 1:7).

Adversity attacks everybody, but with my faith for Jesus and these simple truths I can overcome it every time.

Remember this, God causes all things to work together for good to those that love him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).

Monday, June 20, 2011

disappointment.. it happens.




I don't know about you, but life is not always the proverbial bowl of cherries. We all have goals, wishes, and desires. Sometimes those things come to fruition and sometimes they don't. Sometimes the result is the direct consequence of what we have either done or not done. On the other hand, the result is often due to circumstances we either don't understand or over which we have little control. We often perceive the disappointments as personal failures. We internalize those feelings and end up feeling frustrated, angry, and depressed. If these emotions are not soon checked, the emptiness inside grows, the sun doesn't shine quite as brightly, and there is seldom a moment when we aren't ruminating over every detail of the situation. Self- doubt exponentially rises. Confidence wanes. You are embarrassed and don't want to discuss it. After all, no one really understands.
Sounds pretty serious, doesn't it? Only a horrible tragedy could prompt such an emotional response. Or, perhaps it could triggered be the end of a long relationship or trouble in your marriage. Better yet, perhaps it could result from your failure to win a political race for a seat in the Senate. Or, maybe it could result from having the best opportunity of a lifetime taken from you without notice...which is what happened in my case.
My life altering job as a radio personality has been taken away from me.  Not because I didn't qualify. Not because someone was better. But because the man who was to hire me...QUIT. Yea, you're probably thinking, "WTH".  The radio station did him wrong after 40 years, and he quit. QUIT...with my future on the line.
Derrick hasn't heard from the job in Georgia.  He aced every interview, passed every test, physical, and drug test, and has yet to hear anything.  We're waiting for a start date... that is all we need.
 

Monday, May 16, 2011

quiet weekend... but short.

I spent Friday night in the bed. I didn't get out of bed until Saturday evening around 5...I just couldn't make myself do anything but walk the dogs--that having to be done, only because they whined and barked until I got up.  I woke up around 2:30 in the morning Sunday with the WORST migraine behind my left eye. I thought I was going to have to perform major surgery on myself to make it stop.  My migraine medicine was in the kitchen where Buddy sleeps.  I knew if I woke up him up he would think it was time to walk and eat breakfast like it was 6:00... he did.  So with this this monstrous migraine I walked the dog, fed him, then slept on the couch.  If I went back to the bedroom and shut the door he would've started his normal routine of barking until I opened it.  He's like a baby!

I wasn't feeling my best Sunday and had to cook for and attend a wedding shower.  Derrick was an amazing helper; he walked the dogs, helped me cook 3 huge helpings of biscuit bites, fold towels, make the bed, and pick up the house.  I couldn't have had a successful day without him. Which leads me to my next point...how on Earth did I ever make it without him?  The last several months have been so amazing together, it's almost cruel to split us apart again.  I love being stuck up his butt..we miss eachother everyday after work. So how is it going to be with us having to miss eachother everyday for several days at a time...again? I think it's going to be harder this time, now that we've had 10 months together.

I've given some more thought to the radio job...I will take it depending on one circumstance ONLY--$$.  We haven't discussed money at all except that he said it didn't pay much; I hope his meaning is a little different from mine.  He said that the job was for now postponed due to a transmitter that was blown in the April 27 tornado storms.  I don't know how long that will be... so maybe this will help me postpone my decision.

Derrick goes for his physical this Friday...so prayers needed... the last step in the road!! 

Friday, May 13, 2011

DECISIONS.



Decisions. Opportunities. Change. Love.

Those four words are running through my head while I'm sitting at my desk picking off my pink glitter nail polish.  Just two days ago my biggest issue was how I was going to get bikini ready in less than a month. Yesterday, my life was turned into a puzzle that I once thought I had all figured out...
Yesterday morning I was presented with a job offer for a radio station as their morning show co-host. Freaking AWESOME.  Me-G, would be a local celebrity!! I would have never imagined a job--wait--CAREER--I could love more.  For someone who hates hearing themselves on their voicemail, this would be an adjustment, but I could talk someone's ears off!  I would be on the website for listeners far and wide, and even have my own little caricature! I would even put my Auburn Business degree to good use in Sales and Marketing for their advertising department.

This job, being a radio co-host... they need someone LONG term. That being said-----

Derrick received a job offer yesterday ALSO...in Georgia. 3.5 hours away from Decatur. I love this boy! I'm going to marry him! I have a pretty ring, a dress, and a church.  We could start our lives new, somewhere else.  Yea, I could moved down there with him and begin my job search again...


I bet you're thinking, "What are you going to do Georganne?" Well, I don't freaking know. Pray about it.

HELP ME FIGURE IT OUT.

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.